I haven't written anything in a while now.I had a lot on my mind.I still do.The departure is nearly here.Probably the next time I'll be writing here I'll already be there.My dad seems very sad that we're leaving,and keeps saying to us that he loves us.Such a tough word...My friends are all sad.But I think dad's calls are what is making this seem so real.What was just an idea became a reality.That's a proof that everything can be done if you want it.But there's something else that is really making me depressed.The fact that this year will pass,with its goods and bads, but after this one year there is a great possibility I will be returning home to finish my studies here,but all alone.Nothing will be the same anymore.It's like I will be starting from scratch all over again,even here.But not even this is what makes me regret the decisions I took(although I know one day it was going to happen).The fact is that my sister is probably gonna get a job there,near to my mother and that may mean a permanent separation.I mean after I finish school God knows where I'll end up being.And...try to understand this...I love my sister much more than I love myself.It's almost a possessive love.But don't judge me.We've been separated all our lives,and about three years we were reunited.That was the biggest and happiest news of my life.And she,remaining there means at least one year in which I will be living here alone,and in which I will have to leave her go,because there's nothing I can do to interfere in this decisions.Call me selfish and everything,but I don't care.I don't want to do that.I guess she's my weakness.
Mom left me once already.I recovered after that.Dad wasn't near me.I got pass that.But not again.My mom does not have the right to separate us again.And even though we "might" get closer one with each other,with mom,that doesn't mean I forget everything or that I forgive everything.Something disappeared from inside of me the moment she left me,9 years ago,alone.Don't get me wrong cause I'm more than grateful to her for all that she has done for us,and I know she left because she had to,but back then I was yet a little child left abandoned and forced by the others to do what they wanted so that I won't get beaten or argued.I am grateful to everyone.I am grateful because all that every single person did to me,made me what I am today and as strong as I am now.But some things can not be erased.
Ok,is very hard for me to talk about this things,and I prefer not to think about them.
Someone said that keeping a diary helps you realize things.I think that is very true.I had a diary from when I was a little child and this helped me a lot,because I can only trust me and my mind 100%.Everyone else doesn't matter.
I fought and overcame a lot of things to become who I am today and I am not gonna let no one to take that away from me.NOBODY!
Till next time...
...don't worry mes damnés, life goes on no matter what.