Searching for my ”turn off” button on feelings... I just wish I had one...
It's in times like this when I miss you the most...
- An imperfect God and a learning Devil? Imagine, the Devil never learning anything during all this time, never changing his mind about being the Devil. It's an insult to our intellect, such an idea.
- Tell me more about the Devil.
- He's not purely unredeemable. He's merely part of God's plan. He's a spirit allowed to tempt and try humans. He disapproves of humans, of the entire experiment. He's changeable, surely. He's smart. He must feel. Why ever would he remain static? ("Blood Canticle” - Anne Rice)
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Friday, July 22, 2011
I'm home! And it surely feels like home...
Lots of money to be spend and my 500 euros, that I have left at home, have disappeared. And I'm pretty sure it was my drunk uncle cause nothing else indicates a thief; I thought we had all the keys. So now I'm 500 euros broke, and I'm never gonna see them again. It's nice to have a family, right?!... Goodbye, my savings! Nothing has changed around here, everything is exactly like I remember it to be, but despite all, it does feel good to be home.
I'm trying to deal with every little thing at a time.
I can't wait for the new Evanescence album. I heard some snippets and it sounds wonderful.
I have finished seeing ”True blood” (my second attempt), well, until the episode that has been aired so far . My patience has been well repaid. If you get over the countless porn scenes, the terrible accent of the actors starring in it and the slightly exaggerated apparition of different supernatural creatures, it's an interesting show. I first thought it's an exclusive vampire show, but oh well... I don't understand though why in every freakin' show where there are vampires, there has to be werewolves too - ”The Gates”, ”Being Human” (the British, original one), ”Blood Ties” and so many others (and btw, they're way too hairy for me). Overall, the show amused me a lot (Eric and Pam are my favorite characters). Surely the idea of paying taxes vampires, that actually have their own government, that are being tortured by ephemeral mortal problems, and are feeding with bottled synthetic blood, is... interesting (even though I fail to see the point in being immortal, and having the power of doing everything you want, if you play by the universal rules and fuck, even pay taxes to the State). But, it does has several original points of view, so it's worth giving it a try.
I have also read two books from ”The vampire diaries”, out of curiosity. Besides the fact that the TV show doesn't respect not even half of the details in the books, I found the books to be... simplistic. Not even a challenge. You can read one in two hours, but you get no satisfaction: the language is for retards - well kinda the one in the ”Twilight saga” books - and the imagination of the writer didn't blow my mind - I'm not saying I could've write it better, but I am saying that they could have been written better. I still remain an Anne Rice fan till death: a true vampire chronicles writer, that does not involve werewolves or ”fairies” in her books, that treats the subject as it should be treated; even the conflict between Devil and God, often found in her books, is very well placed. Her books have often made me ponder about life, good and evil, right and wrong.
”Eric [to Pam]: You know I love you more when you're cold and heartless. What?
Pam: Blah, blah... vampire emergency. Blah.” (fuckin' hilarious)
”I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter”
I wonder if it ever mattered?!... even though it probably never did... Never did and never will. It may have mattered way too much to me, and way too little to you.
Well, my damneds I salute you from Romania! Till next time...
Lots of money to be spend and my 500 euros, that I have left at home, have disappeared. And I'm pretty sure it was my drunk uncle cause nothing else indicates a thief; I thought we had all the keys. So now I'm 500 euros broke, and I'm never gonna see them again. It's nice to have a family, right?!... Goodbye, my savings! Nothing has changed around here, everything is exactly like I remember it to be, but despite all, it does feel good to be home.
I'm trying to deal with every little thing at a time.
I can't wait for the new Evanescence album. I heard some snippets and it sounds wonderful.
I have finished seeing ”True blood” (my second attempt), well, until the episode that has been aired so far . My patience has been well repaid. If you get over the countless porn scenes, the terrible accent of the actors starring in it and the slightly exaggerated apparition of different supernatural creatures, it's an interesting show. I first thought it's an exclusive vampire show, but oh well... I don't understand though why in every freakin' show where there are vampires, there has to be werewolves too - ”The Gates”, ”Being Human” (the British, original one), ”Blood Ties” and so many others (and btw, they're way too hairy for me). Overall, the show amused me a lot (Eric and Pam are my favorite characters). Surely the idea of paying taxes vampires, that actually have their own government, that are being tortured by ephemeral mortal problems, and are feeding with bottled synthetic blood, is... interesting (even though I fail to see the point in being immortal, and having the power of doing everything you want, if you play by the universal rules and fuck, even pay taxes to the State). But, it does has several original points of view, so it's worth giving it a try.
I have also read two books from ”The vampire diaries”, out of curiosity. Besides the fact that the TV show doesn't respect not even half of the details in the books, I found the books to be... simplistic. Not even a challenge. You can read one in two hours, but you get no satisfaction: the language is for retards - well kinda the one in the ”Twilight saga” books - and the imagination of the writer didn't blow my mind - I'm not saying I could've write it better, but I am saying that they could have been written better. I still remain an Anne Rice fan till death: a true vampire chronicles writer, that does not involve werewolves or ”fairies” in her books, that treats the subject as it should be treated; even the conflict between Devil and God, often found in her books, is very well placed. Her books have often made me ponder about life, good and evil, right and wrong.
”Eric [to Pam]: You know I love you more when you're cold and heartless. What?
Pam: Blah, blah... vampire emergency. Blah.” (fuckin' hilarious)
”I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter”
I wonder if it ever mattered?!... even though it probably never did... Never did and never will. It may have mattered way too much to me, and way too little to you.
Well, my damneds I salute you from Romania! Till next time...
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
When I first found out for sure that I will be doing my year as an Erasmus here I had a very different view of how things will turn out. I promised that I would not allow myself to be trapped in the arms of the deceitful hope, and yet that happened involuntarily. The first months were the hardest. There were many times when I just wanted to take the airplane and go home, back to my eternal tranquility. What made me stay, I couldn't say. I only knew that I am tougher than that and that I never give up. With time I tried to adapt to the new situation, even though ”forgetting” was one of the most difficult tasks I had to accomplish here. And still, here I am now, thinking that by this time, next week, I will be home. It's unbelievable that it has been almost a year, when I thought time was just standing still to punish me. I was reminded with every possible occasion that I don't deserve or ever gonna have certain things and that I should not forget that. Before I came here, I imagined every possible scenario of how things could be. And as I expected, the worst happened. All was a reminder that I should have stuck with my original plan and not deviate for any reason at all (Of course, the ”professional plan” went better than I could have ever expected to - straight A grades, and I haven't even tried that hard - but it's not that that caused me problems). It will take me a lot of time to forget but hopefully that too shall pass and that the time will come when I will be indifferent to the situation. I have learned many things about myself and not only, during this one year. I appreciate that. Even though I may refuse to accept them, I appreciate the lessons life has gave me, again. And Life, you screwed me over so many times I can't even remember, but I swear I'll fuck you repeatedly until you give me what I want or allow me to get it myself.
Now, all I wish is to return to my tranquility and work on my balance during this summer, because beginning with next year I will need all of myself in order to try and make the good decisions.
I'm hoping for a complete dis-intoxication from Internet, computer, TV, anything digital this summer. All I want is silence, fresh air and a quality book to read. Nothing else. I'm waiting for that weekend to the mountain more than anything. To sit in the vividly colored grass, surrounded by an endless forest and with only the sound of a pouring river filled with water of the most extraordinary clarity, disturbing the silence. Smelling the fresh, clean air that has a small scent of pin trees in it and it feels a little chilly on my skin... OMG! That is what I call Heaven. I fuckin' love the mountains. The less touched by man, the better. Maybe I'll manage to see Dracula's castle too and Sibiu, everything with just a bag-pack on my back, a huge bottle of water and a good, resistant pair of Converse and off we go. Warning: I might not wanna leave the place! Ever!
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