So,I passed my French exam with an A(feeling pretty proud of myself);I got 6 more at the end of June.My dad is in the hospital because he wasn't eating,just drinking.I kinda expected this to happen one day.He was like "I proposed to myself not to die now"-a very stupid joke,I might add-.Had some problems,but I always try to look at the bright side.Last night I was in the mood for some drawing,so I did this vampire portrait.I thought it was an impressive pic(It kinda passed me on an amalgam of feelings when I saw it,and I immediately created a story around it-I guess he thinks he's damned for eternity for having to kill the things he love the most:humans.He can't abstain himself for the hunger and urge is torturing him to much,and he's just not strong enough to fight with all of this and maybe he's even standing in front of his victim,dead already.-and many more.I think I'm too sensitive this days,don't know why,my tears were falling on their own,even when I was drawing;too many human feelings from where ever I try to look at this strange condition).Don't know why,every time I scan the drawings,they look "dirty".On paper they look much better.-_-...Remember:buy a red pencil,not good drawing with red pen.

When I'm walking alone,there are instants when I get lost in space,I isolate myself and become unconscious of what happens around me,and I start picturing stories,scripts...I can almost feel the touch,if I close my eyes for a moment...I easily get shivers down my spine...it takes my breath away...it takes me away...in a parallel Universe,an Utopia,a perfect and fantasy world...then,too soon,I have to come back to reality...I wish I could stay there...

My b'day has passed and like always it sucked.Some things made me wonder why I wanted to be friends with some people in the first place.Better that I realized this now,than later.I said that it's going to be a hell of a week,well,it was a week from hell.I always tried my best so that everything could be right,there is nothing more I can do.It's just me left.I'm not everyone's fool,and never will be,and that be clear.I will do everything I can in order to get to the University,and get a scholarship to go no matter where,but somewhere far,abroad,alone.Even though happened what happened,I know I'm strong enough to hang on and to not ever give up.And all this will only make me stronger,indifferent and careless,and not weak,at everyone's feet...always better alone...I have a soul,you know,even though I wish I didn't...Miss you solitude...
NB:The new LP song came out,the only good thing from this week.It's awesome.Great lyrics.Waiting for the video,and for Dead by sunrise's album.This kind of stuff makes me be more positive and more ambitious.^^However I've been listening a lot of Placebo lately(especially the sad songs,the ballads are amazing;I recommend them to anyone-like:In the cold light of morning,follow the cops,broken promise,protege moi,without you I'm nothing,je t'aime moi non plus,the crawl,ask for answer or centrefolds)...I'm gonna go have some rest cause my head hurts after crying.

So,three days till my b'day....It looks like it's going to be a hell of a week,better yet,crowded like hell...Waiting for the new LP song,tomorrow**(yay).This week it supposed to be the 10th anniversary party for Animal X,but everything is wrapped in fog(don't know what's gonna happen-_-).I have a new toy^^:an anti-stress ball.I like squeezing it all day,but it rather annoys me than calms me...
Something new popped out in this insane mind:why are kids so enthusiastic when they see a rainbow?Why do they associate it immediately with happiness?Yeah,it's full of colors,I,myself,love it,but...it is known that after you face or know,by yourself,something,you'll associate it later with good or bad/evil.So,this feeling seems to be a primary,native one.I can't even explain why do I love it so much...maybe because it announce a sunny day,after a hard rain,but I like rain...diffuse feelings.Oh,well...
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness...Is it?

What I've been up to lately?Well,I took almost everyday long walks,alone,with my mp3player and my secret thoughts,walking mostly without a precise destination...I thought over different things(yeah,my mind is still "baking" crazy stuffs^^)...all the banal things screaming LIFE looked beautiful to me...take today...A little child,in uniform,waiting for the bus caught my attention almost immediately.He looked so frail,with a big bag on his back,sitting on his knees under the tree's shadow...the image was like ripped from a story to me...maybe my story...maybe everyone's story...strange that everything else looks shallow...
i give it all away just to have somewhere to go to,give it all away to have someone to come home to

I don't admit acting fake just to mould yourself with the crowd,to act not like you just that people can have a certain impression about you,to like you.If someone doesn't like you for who you are,to hell with him!You suppose to change only if you feel the need and not because others think you should.If you change because of this,you will not be or feel yourself again,you'll be a robot who does what others want,without a personality.And as soon as the gang will banish you,you will not know what to do,or who you are anymore.I don't know from where this tendency of acting like others do,or acting in a way only when you're around that "others".I keep learning new things about human nature every day.I knew it in theory but not in practice.

Sometimes goodbye is a second chance...

Greece May 2009

Home!We traveled for 24 hours by bus,and finally we got there.What did we found?The sea shining under the sun,the Olympus mountain next to it,the people making barbecue and a really strange language(an hybrid between Russian,Bulgarian and Turkish maybe).Greece is beautiful,although it didn't impressed me over the top.I mostly felt like home,because there were Romanians even at Paralia Katerini and the Greek music resembles with our gypsy music that has invaded our country and has drove me mad for some years.We had some problems with the hotel but since I didn't really stayed there it doesn't matter.I went to the beach,I drank only frappe,coke and coffee(to replace the sleepless nights),ate ice cream...Friday night we wanted to go to a club and at some point it started raining really hard and it wet me to the bone;although it was raining we all stayed in the rain and laughed like dumb asses one of each other instead of heading back to the hotel:)).Most of the time I did what I most love:analyzing people.Although it were only 3 days,lots of things were revealed to me and I saw a little part of the real face of some people(although I was not surprised at all,I kinda guessed all of it).Things are clearer now and I got to the conclusion that what someone said long ago was so true it scared me.Bulgaria looked pretty abandoned to me;I barely saw 5 people in 600 km;I think it will come out a really good horror movie from there.I liked that it was a mountain area(Balkans),my favorite landscape.The Greek night organized for us was pretty much like a traditional Romanian weeding,but we had fun...eh...this too has passed.Time is passing by and I can't even feel it,keep up with it...
Change of subject:To me is not strong whoever says is strong and not afraid of anything,but whoever has the courage to admit that he/she is afraid.