As much as some think that I can be a real mean bitch sometimes,I'm sorry* but no one is gonna take advantage of me or take me for a fool,cause I'm not.I realize in a second when the line has been crossed and I will take the measures needed.So,don't blame me,blame yourselves for trying to get the best of me without permission.I think I'm like saying this for like the millionth time,but take care cause when you'll less expect it I will turn at 160 degrees to do what I think it's best for me.With time this is how I adjusted to the nowadays society:I learned how to play and react so that I protect myself above anything else.Call me selfish,call me whatever,I tell you this:I DON'T CARE.Really!The reasons for that are plenty,were plenty and probably will never change.And to tell the truth I don't even want to.Sorry* that I can't be "the gentle,kind person" you think I am,but I became what I am because of you.So,back to my last words:Don't fool yourselves believing that someone else can help you,or care about you,because in the end you only have yourselves,ONLY YOURSELVES.Trust me on that.

*Not really,I'm not sorry at all.

God,I haven't felt this well in such a long time.I really feel it's that time when I can move on,close one chapter of my life,and start a new one.And honestly no matter what happens,or where,future do sound good.The idea of actually remaining here it excites me like never before.At least for the near future.I feel I belong here,at last.But it's not only that.Maybe the brain finally agreed with the heart and decided it's a new age,at it should have long ago.I can actually lack some feelings that really bugged me for awhile.But not anymore.I'm totally Immune.And it feels better than anyone would expect.Awesome!!!At last!!!How I would characterize the lasts "weaknesses"?Just like that.Some small weaknesses that I gave more importance than they actually had.That's one thing I absolutely love about me.I recover from anything much more than fast.Now I have to completely lose some habits that have become mostly a routine,than an interest,and it's all done.I actually noticed a very low interest,compared to other times.And I couldn't be more glad about that.After all,I think both mind and heart agreed that I was only relating to that something,maybe because of a personal need,or a stupid bad influence.But not anymore.I don't need that,never did,and I can go back to my old beliefs.I don't even know what was will all that madness?!That wasn't even me.What a stupidity that lasted more than enough.
Now,today starts a new fresh beginning!
Indeed,I only have myself!
PS:I saw something that really made me glad,although I would prefer not to ever happen.
Till next time,damneds,take my word,you only have yourselves.Don't fool yourselves for nothing,believing anything else than this.
"I don't believe in anything,and that makes me stronger than you think."

That's a demonstration of what people do,as well as myself,when they're bored at some ordinary class:D
Seraphim...
I decay for you,
Drown in sweet debauchery
For you...
My angel,
I see the birth of my innocence
Rise from you
I see your wings
Everytime I hear you say
'I love you,do you love me too?'
I feed your wings with fire
Hoping to be the Phoenix rising
From the ashes of your burned love,
I see myself fall...
Content, and yet hanged
By the hope your kiss arise in me
Falling,my seraphim...for you.
(Title-"Stuck on...")

Remember the research I'm making about Satanism?!Well,I hate to say I was right all along.I wish I hadn't.I'm not done yet with all the research,but I have collected enough data to know that I wasn't wrong at all.Beside the fact they contradict their own ideas,people are just as judgmental as I thought they are.I mean,they don't even give a small chance to whoever has something different to say in this society.They just blow up every chance right from the beginning,and then they say that they don't judge and that they respect other people's believes.Bullshit!This new generations even worst.Lets say that maybe old people were old fashion.But,the nowadays generation has absolutely no excuse.I must say that I'm more than disappointed regarding every creature and its filthy judgment.Nevermind,that now they firmly believe I'm a Satanist.I amused myself over the top.One of them actually told me in "private" that he doesn't think that true satanists reveal themselves so easily,and that they hide it so that they integrate between what they think its "normal" people.Ha!He was actually giving me hints.I barely stop myself from laughing.Like if satanists actually care to integrate between they small narrowed minds,and will do all that effort to make themselves accepted by such foolish individuals.
I don't quite know if this research meant to reveal only facts about satanists,or I just used this as a pretext to convince myself of how stupid some people,or better the "majority" of them are.And they have no idea of the world they are living in,even though they pretend to have.
I wonder if I managed to scare some with all my questions?I'm quite sure I did.And they have to keep pretending,because,oh well they depend on me,since I'm their leader.If you come to think about it,and about others to come,it's quite a devilish plan of mine.I don't mean only this.
Well,I have to take my mind off with other stupidities,such as this one.So...
...I guess,till next time...keep disappointing me.

Oh God,oh God...I keep doing what only harms me.When I will finally learn?When I will finally just accept that it's just the way it is and I can't possibly do anything to change it?!!!How many do you have to endure or see to just realize what's the obvious?!Stupid,stupid!!!That's just not for you.It never was and never will be!Understood??!!!No,because I never quite understand,do I?!Because I'm such a fool!
Just move on already and hope it will soon be over.Nothing more than that.Just like so far.Stupid!Be as numb as you can,and it will all be over.
I hope to be...or maybe I don't...I seem to have a natural talent in choosing and doing all that I shouldn't.A natural stupidity.
And when I think about how much I was willing to...or maybe still am...not that it matters now...or ever.Just foolish of me.Like always!
NB:This,and many others,is and were private discussions between me and myself,refereed as third person.No others,than me,and me,and me...and ME.

God,I actually can't believe that I hadn't wrote anything for so long,but I don't even know where my head is,from all the things I have to do.I don't know where it will end.Still nothing sure,still running from one side to another to do everything,and completely exhausted how I hadn't been in such a long time.I'm glad it's warm outside and I can jog and get rid of some of the tension.And the view I have when I jog is extremely relaxing.Something like that,just greener.

I saw two husky dogs today.Man,I love those dogs.I don't know if it's because the eyes remind me of someone,or because...well,they're just beautiful.I wish I had blue eyes.Well,I have a "little" obsession with blue eyes:D.
I hate it when people get so over excited with something without a reason,and like giving you false hopes.Do they like to be deceived in such a horrifying manner?!I prefer staying calm and thinking as everything is exactly the same,so that in any case the disappointment is going to be smaller.At least that's the best way I found to treat the manner.And although I have many moments when I wish I had changed my mind,I'm not withdrawing.I'm going further to see what happens.
I hope the next two months or more pass quickly and when it all ends I can finally take a time and relax.
Well,nothing else for now,although I'm quite sure I haven't told anything that actually matters or has any big importance.
Till next time...