I'm starting to feel like I can have a little privacy here again.I don't know what was in my head the first time.Well,who understands me,right?!I don't think I have figured out all of myself yet.
I don't think "it" realized that that was the end for me,but it was...though it's a strange feeling.It didn't feel like I was expecting to,but well,it never does,doesn't it?!But I think reality is starting to make its presence known to me,because I don't think I was ever prepared for that,but I've tried for so long to make the decision,and now it feels...I actually don't think I feel anything.Maybe I'm not ready to accept it yet,maybe I'm not sure what that means yet...but it's not like I ever did understood it...
The thing is that I had to be practical on this,and just admit I was going nowhere.
Moreover,I came to the conclusion after a lot of thinking that what other people fantasy about it's not gonna happen to me because that is not me.I don't think I will ever be able to do that.It's just not who I was so far,who I am or who I'm going to be.Of course there will be the "ordinary" weak moments when I will change my mind for a second but that is the truth.I have to stay honest to myself.After all,who am I kidding?!
Although future is an incertitude,that is not my future.I am not a part of that person's future.As much as now it may hurt to admit it.
I just have to try to enjoy life as much as I can,and do everything as I want to as much as I can.Alone!I'm never gonna go back to what I did.I have to keep that promise to myself no matter what.I'm not a coward,to give up.I'm just making the decisions that everything points them to be right,even I don't want to.That was just spinning around the tail.Lets be serious.
I'm going away for a month,so,we'll see what changes during that time.Hopefully much.
Till next time,darlings...
PS:I've totally fell in love with "Vampire knight" again.I think that is my Nr.1 anime.It just have...everything(from atmosphere,love triangles,romance,humor,action and it's well thought of).

I'm writing now because I feel the need to talk with someone,and with the people around me I just...can't.
It's not like it's not an understood feeling but I don't want to share with someone that will just throw it's opinion in there.God,I hope,I beg,I pray make all this sorrow,expectations worth all the trouble.Please...
This longing is just killing me...I feel it burn every cell in me...And it's not that what frightens me...I'm afraid this will never stop,that will just continue forever and for what?!...For nothing?!...God,make this not be for nothing.I need it too much,and I like to think it that I'm not the only one that need it...
It doesn't matter anything else now.Actually for quite a while nothing else matters...That's probably the reason why I haven't written anything in the last months.Because I made a promise not to write if this is what I want to write about.But I needed so much to "say" something.
Please...please...