Was es ist - Erich Fried
”Es ist Unsinn
sagt die Vernunft
Es ist was es ist
sagt die Liebe
Es ist Unglück
sagt die Berechnung
Es ist nichts als Schmerz
sagt die Angst
Es ist aussichtslos
sagt die Einsicht
Es ist was es ist
sagt die Liebe
Es ist lächerlich
sagt der Stolz
Es ist leichtsinning
sagt die Vorsicht
Es ist unmöglich
sagt die Erfahrung
Es ist was es ist
sagt die Liebe.”

(”It is madness
says reason
It is what it is
says love
It is unhappiness
says caution
It is nothing but pain
says fear
It has no future
says insight
It is what it is
says love
It is ridiculous
says pride
It is foolish
says caution
It is impossible
says experience
It is what it is
says love.”)

”Maybe the snow wanted to freeze my moment of suffering. But yet, I wanted to suffer, I wanted to hold her almost to suffocation, I wanted not to let her go, I wanted her to be all mine. With my whole existence and with absolute intensity, I want, I want, I want her!”

”An angel visited me and abandoned me burning in hell. No, hell would be easier.”

Quotes from my book I'm trying to continue, ”Desideratum”. Aimé has more than a half of me and my everyday experiences, even if it doesn't seem so. And he manages to say everything I can't, or has the same problem as me in saying what should be said. Emotions aren't our forte, especially when you need to express them. I guess I am trying to speak through him.
NB: Aimé, Lord DuBois, is my main character in the book.

”No matter how many deaths that I die, I will never forget...
No matter how many lies that I live, I will never regret...
Do you really want?
Do you really want me?
Do you really want me dead or alive to torture for my sins
Where is your God?”

It's not the first time I get these ”suffocations”, I mean I breathe but it's like the air it's not enough or like there isn't any. I think my heartaches may be related to this. And these resemble way too much to panic attacks. I sure hope I'm wrong, cause they are getting worse every time. It's definitely not my imagination. Well, it's not like this was one of my best weeks either, or months. I miss home more than I expected. There are some things I'm sure about. The rest of it... let's say that I don't even count on time to fix anything anymore. Anyways, I always said it, but never actually believed it.
I hate it when I'm right, and hope that I'm not, but it's like I'm cursed to always be right. Well, I guess it doesn't matter, sooner or later we all must resent and get used to it.

Till next time darlings, lets just hope time will just pass by faster. I sure hope so. Later...