I was in the mood to draw these days,so I first came up with the idea of drawing a woman proper to the word "époque",but after I did it I wasn't quite satisfied because I wanted to draw something with more significance.And so I draw Lucifer,the fallen angel,Scaramouch,Scaraoschi,Satan or whatever you wanna call him.I prefer Lucifer.I still have another idea of drawing regarding him,and I still want to work a little on this portrait,but since I done it,I posted it.Well,the drawing contains the malicious eyes that people think Lucifer supposed to have,the damned apple that got Adam banished from Eden,and Lucifer's most famous personification:the snake.They kinda have the same look in the eyes,don't they?!The quote from the bottom of the page says:"Lucifer--damnatus nunquam condemnatus in aeternum"--(the damned are not condemned for eternity).You can only guess what reason I had to choose this quote;just remember I don't choose nothing(words,gesture)by case.I do have some other projects in my mind regarding the Orphic myth,and Orpheus,that really interested me,and still does,lately(especially Orpheus's death);then I want to do Lilith's portrait,but I haven't found the one suited,and lastly another drawing of Lucifer,in another personification.Well,I got lots of ideas,but this is my last night alone and the University is finally starting Monday(can't wait!).

Right now I really feel the need of a change.But I'm patient.For now.You know,I really missed my ex colleagues,and I'm more than thankful and happy to see that even though I've been a little harsh with them and always brought them back to Earth for 4 years,now I see that they care about me,maybe more than they would have expected it.Many persons I didn't expected to,came to me.I'm glad that they finally realized that I do care about them,and that everything I've done wasn't in vain.That proves that whoever stands long enough around me and tries to know me a little bit,ends up caring about me,and knows I'm far more than beats the eye.
My aunt's mom died.I haven't spoken to her yet.I don't know what to say.Maybe it's only gonna hurt more.It's the first person that died when she shouldn't have.I'm very attached with this aunt.I can't call and say whatever and pretend to understand,because...I don't.And I don't want to make her suffer even more now.I'll wait a little while.She doesn't know I know.Man,this month sucked.Not a day without a bad news or more.But I think something is changed.I appreciate more what I have around me and near me.So true that only when you lose something you appreciate it more.Some don't know this yet.Maybe they should and as soon as possible.I even made a declaration to my sis today-hihi-well,I always say to her that we'll be together forever,not even death will tear us apart;no one will from now on.We've been apart long enough.Even though we piss each other off sometimes.
I want to do so many things,so,so many...but everything at the right time.

Love letter

I decided to write an introduction to the beautiful confession after all.I don't believe it.Not anymore.Nevertheless,naively,but rationally I...observe...You cannot avoid it.It's everywhere,so perfectly represented on Lumiére's biggest worldwide lie.I torture myself voluntarily.Nothing has the same charm as before.Oh,old Cinderella times...Kids should be warned of this lies.It's a lie.For a moment maybe I try to fool myself,and just say "But...still...maybe...",then I remember and I...I read this beautiful letter but after I'm done "Yeah,not gonna happen".At least not nowadays.Now everything is more superficial, direct,in a banal and degrading way, and more like a business.It makes me sick only watching a similar scene.Maybe the true meaning of the word got lost somewhere on the way to this century...But then I wonder what am I doing here?...I always said I should have been born in another époque... Everything,now...I don't want it...not like this...for what?to be like the others;better off.This letter is a proof that this things don't happen anymore(that's why I wanted to immortalize it.It worth even be framed)...a lie...A lie I don't want to sanctify anymore.

Beethoven--Good morning, on July 7
'Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all …Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul unwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mail coach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
ever thine
ever mine
ever ours'
‘Adieu, you whom I love a thousand times.’ (Goethe)

Home alone for 2 weeks.Sweet!Although I feel kinda lonely sometimes...Well,I got back yesterday from my grandparents.Even though I stayed a week,I honestly didn't feel the time pass.At least not like the whole last month.Also,I think it's the first time when I went without thinking about when I will leave.It felt great.My little dwarf still said it was a bad that I couldn't stayed more,but they were happy I stayed a little bit longer.My uncle even said he has found my cousins weak point:me.Everywhere I am,they are with me.I think I like going there,even though I work more than 12 hours/day,I do it because there,I feel loved.I know they want me there.And my father is feeling good,he hasn't drank from Easter.I could spend hours with him talking,when he's sober.Even though he made me suffer so many times,I forgive him;I try to forget about that,because I don't think I could just live without that love.At least not right now.I need it.That's something I can't do with my mom.That's something she doesn't understand.You know,a child doesn't need only money.It is needed something more.She doesn't know how to demonstrate affection to people.That's something I will always remember,and if I will have a child I'll treat him like I helped raise my little dwarf and show my affection to him.That's what dad offers me,even though he can't give me money.I don't care about money.If I cared I wouldn't have gone visiting him for the last 14 years...I was cleaning the house and I found some memory notebooks I made years ago.It really amused me and I kinda missed those times....those sweet,embarrassing and childish memories...I was crazy even then...OMG**...I know I was fortunate to be loved by so many people,that maybe then I didn't realized.I'm sorry I've lost contact with them.I don't like it when I lose contact with people that encounter with me,from a reason or another.Inside they never disappear.Not even the most insignificant person.Somehow I will remember about each of the people that, accidentally or God knows why,entered my life...but if you regret too much those times you won't start living in the present...Well,I started moving forward some time ago,even against my desires.

I'm homeee!Finally!I never missed my homeland this much.The more I spend time abroad the more I appreciate home.As odd as it sounds,this holiday made me appreciate more even myself.I confirmed a lot of things to myself and about myself.
1.I decided that some things don't worth the trouble,and I realized,even if I kinda knew it,that I can get all I want if I really want it.I even put in practice some of my personal skills just to try them out a little more and I liked this new side of me,and watch out cause I'm still exploring it...
2.Another thing of what I am now sure is that I really do have a weakness for guys with long hair(well,not long as mine,rather medium).And this weakness it's getting a little out of control-hihi-.
3.Again,I decided for good to not ever be,even close,of pitying myself.God,there really are people with real problems.I have an amazing life comparing to them.Although another thing I discovered is that some think they have problems,but they don't even know what real problems related to the real life are like.Instead of pitying themselves,they should do something to fix those problems.
4.Like a week ago I had a big argument with my mother that made me realize that she doesn't understand lot of things and she won't ever understand,and that I have to do the impossible and get a job,as no matter what,and be independent as soon as possible.I won't live this way anymore.And if she really thinks I'm not capable,she's more than extremely wrong.I'll prove her and whoever thinks like her that I have more power then they think.I already know that.I have nothing to prove to myself.
5.I now see how good is to be as decided as I am.I'm always more than sure of what I want and I do everything in my power to get it.And I saw that I left that impression even to the people around me.Good.
6.I'm so honest it hurts.It's too hard to abstain myself.And you know what?I don't want to.Truth hurts,but learn to face it.
7.I was surprised people were so surprised that I know how to do so many things.Well,circumstances and life teach you those things,freely or by force.
8.My favorite love movie is definitely "City of angels".
9.I intimidate people.I wasn't so sure but now I'm almost sure.I'll think of a test to get the final prove./I don't know why but little children are attracted to me.Instead of going at my sister who runs after them or to somebody else,they always come to me.This is a demonstrated fact from quite some years now.Who knows why...
10.BAD rules...Who should know this better than me?...I love torturing people,only it's not a physical torture...
FACTS---
...I adooore the first DBS single "Crawl back in",and the video is on fire.Or that was me,on fire?!...
...the trick was getting you to think that all this was your idea...
..."Those eyes. The way he looked right... right down into me."
...Some things are true whether you believe them or not.
..."Don’t you ever wonder who we’re fighting with?Suddenly I have the feeling that none of this is in my hands.None.And if it’s so…what do I do with that?"...
...Face truth.Face lies.Face yourself.Face others.Face life.

I wanted to write so many things,that now I don't remember.I'll think of them for the next time.This was just a summary of what it's been on my mind this month.Oh,one of my August passion was reading.It was a shame I didn't had more books with me.But I want to investigate some things at the library.I adore what I'm becoming with every day that passes by.And I couldn't care less if the others don't like it or don't agree.Farewell,my damneds!Till next time.

Quotes from the movie "City of angels":
---Seth: Close your eyes. It's just for a moment.
[touches her hand]
Seth: What am I doing?
Maggie: You're... touching me.
Seth: Touch. How do you know?
Maggie: Because, I feel it.
Seth: You should trust that. You don't trust it enough.---
---Seth: 'I would rather have had one breath of her hair...one kiss from her mouth...one touch of her hand...than eternity without it...One.'---