I'm not sure I made the right decision,but it was more the obvious choice,meaning it didn't depended on myself.Those were the choices I had,and I'm sure that this was the only choice worth taking in consideration,at this point.Although if I had the choice I wanted I would have chosen that.Now,I don't know if it will turn out fine for us,after all,but there is half of me that wants eagerly to see this accomplished,and the other half that wants me to fail now,and to allow and give me more time to decide better.It's a struggle now.Next week,hopefully I'll find out if I have to start worrying about what the heck I choose,and what that implies.Still,I can't say that I won't be disappointed if we're not chosen,the first half of me will suffer greatly,but the other one will thank God for answering its prays.In 2 months I will recover from whatever disappointment though and I will be ready for the second round,if it will still take place.The point is,I'm not giving up on the idea,although I'm scared as hell.And not afraid to admit it.I may have no idea in what I'm getting in.But I will soon enough,find out.The second time though I'm decided,if there is need for a second attempt,to follow only and only my brain,and be only rational.That taking in consideration that now I wasn't all rational.And of that I'm aware.I know myself quite enough,to know when I'm wrong and when I'm not thinking straight,even though I couldn't do anything to fix that now.
I have some of the most crowded periods of my life,and I couldn't have been more happy about that.Maybe some don't understand,thinking about all the stress and fatigue,but I'm sooo glad to see the days pass this fast.
A thousand projects,essays and exams and I'm glad about that.It was already official I'm insane.Now it's just a renewal of the state.
[Sweet Pandemonium]“bottomless perdition,to dwell in adamantine chains and penal fire”