I'm starting to feel like I can have a little privacy here again.I don't know what was in my head the first time.Well,who understands me,right?!I don't think I have figured out all of myself yet.
I don't think "it" realized that that was the end for me,but it was...though it's a strange feeling.It didn't feel like I was expecting to,but well,it never does,doesn't it?!But I think reality is starting to make its presence known to me,because I don't think I was ever prepared for that,but I've tried for so long to make the decision,and now it feels...I actually don't think I feel anything.Maybe I'm not ready to accept it yet,maybe I'm not sure what that means yet...but it's not like I ever did understood it...
The thing is that I had to be practical on this,and just admit I was going nowhere.
Moreover,I came to the conclusion after a lot of thinking that what other people fantasy about it's not gonna happen to me because that is not me.I don't think I will ever be able to do that.It's just not who I was so far,who I am or who I'm going to be.Of course there will be the "ordinary" weak moments when I will change my mind for a second but that is the truth.I have to stay honest to myself.After all,who am I kidding?!
Although future is an incertitude,that is not my future.I am not a part of that person's future.As much as now it may hurt to admit it.
I just have to try to enjoy life as much as I can,and do everything as I want to as much as I can.Alone!I'm never gonna go back to what I did.I have to keep that promise to myself no matter what.I'm not a coward,to give up.I'm just making the decisions that everything points them to be right,even I don't want to.That was just spinning around the tail.Lets be serious.
I'm going away for a month,so,we'll see what changes during that time.Hopefully much.
Till next time,darlings...
PS:I've totally fell in love with "Vampire knight" again.I think that is my Nr.1 anime.It just have...everything(from atmosphere,love triangles,romance,humor,action and it's well thought of).