Back home.Everything seems right at this point and quite done.I don't know why I don't feel satisfied with that.
I don't quite understand how this works.I take a dramatic decision and it's like transmitted or what the hell?!This suppose to make me change my mind?!I'm "sorry" but I can't do that anymore for this little,all this back and forward doesn't do me good.It's strange how I say to myself to do in a way and at the moment being I do exactly the opposite.It got me thinking but the truth is I already gave it too much thinking.I can't say what I decided in clear words,because I do not want to.But everything is clear in my mind.I need to remember what I decided,because if I change my mind now,in the end,later I will come to the same decision.And I can't go on like this all my life.I MUST NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT DOING THAT AGAIN!
I just don't understand why everytime it happens like this.Is there a rule written somewhere?!It's just way too taken from the books.Reality isn't like that.Then again,maybe...even if I did not said anything,I made myself understood and my decision...my silenced goodbye.
I have contrary feelings.I feel I'm the betrayer in all this.And it can only be me.And I don't only betray who I do not want to,but also me.I struggled so hard to get to this point...somehow...and now I decide to let it all go.But I do not understand anything,and I'm not sure I want to understand anymore.Life is short,I don't have all that time.
Soon we'll see...very soon...time always give us the answer,even if we accept it or not...I can't believe this is happening.I just hope that a bump won't announce me it is ALL happening!
Till next time...try to learn from your decisions,mes damnés...