When I first found out for sure that I will be doing my year as an Erasmus here I had a very different view of how things will turn out. I promised that I would not allow myself to be trapped in the arms of the deceitful hope, and yet that happened involuntarily. The first months were the hardest. There were many times when I just wanted to take the airplane and go home, back to my eternal tranquility. What made me stay, I couldn't say. I only knew that I am tougher than that and that I never give up. With time I tried to adapt to the new situation, even though ”forgetting” was one of the most difficult tasks I had to accomplish here. And still, here I am now, thinking that by this time, next week, I will be home. It's unbelievable that it has been almost a year, when I thought time was just standing still to punish me. I was reminded with every possible occasion that I don't deserve or ever gonna have certain things and that I should not forget that. Before I came here, I imagined every possible scenario of how things could be. And as I expected, the worst happened. All was a reminder that I should have stuck with my original plan and not deviate for any reason at all (Of course, the ”professional plan” went better than I could have ever expected to - straight A grades, and I haven't even tried that hard - but it's not that that caused me problems). It will take me a lot of time to forget but hopefully that too shall pass and that the time will come when I will be indifferent to the situation. I have learned many things about myself and not only, during this one year. I appreciate that. Even though I may refuse to accept them, I appreciate the lessons life has gave me, again. And Life, you screwed me over so many times I can't even remember, but I swear I'll fuck you repeatedly until you give me what I want or allow me to get it myself.
Now, all I wish is to return to my tranquility and work on my balance during this summer, because beginning with next year I will need all of myself in order to try and make the good decisions.
I'm hoping for a complete dis-intoxication from Internet, computer, TV, anything digital this summer. All I want is silence, fresh air and a quality book to read. Nothing else. I'm waiting for that weekend to the mountain more than anything. To sit in the vividly colored grass, surrounded by an endless forest and with only the sound of a pouring river filled with water of the most extraordinary clarity, disturbing the silence. Smelling the fresh, clean air that has a small scent of pin trees in it and it feels a little chilly on my skin... OMG! That is what I call Heaven. I fuckin' love the mountains. The less touched by man, the better. Maybe I'll manage to see Dracula's castle too and Sibiu, everything with just a bag-pack on my back, a huge bottle of water and a good, resistant pair of Converse and off we go. Warning: I might not wanna leave the place! Ever!