One thought with any cost...I don't really get a good night sleep lately because this struggling with what I want but can't have and the longing is just killing me.I feel my heart(an rather overrated term,but I can't think of another one now) as small as a hopper,and well,the same old story...I thought I got over this,at least it's what I wanted to think,but it's not really like I want it to be.It's not that easy.And plus the usual luck I have...the deadly combination.
Do you care?!At least a little?!Cause I DO!Way too much!
I've failed.I'm not the kind of person that doesn't know how to lose.It's very important,especially psychological speaking,to know how to lose.But not knowing where and what I did wrong it's a torture to me.I've played that scene in my mind over and over again and I don't know what I could've done wrong.
...this suffering will end one day...I promise to myself to stop writing this kind of entries so often,that only causes pain,and that I'll try to be more objective.That reminds me:what I hate the most beside lies,is pity.I hope no one who passed this corner of dreams and thoughts,felt pity.If it's so,don't come again.I don't need nobody's pity.This are my thoughts at in a certain moment just to not go crazy,and trust me there are people with real problems that maybe are asking for your pity,but not me.So,please excuse me,but no one who feels 'pity' for me is welcomed here,as I try not to pity anyone.I hate that word and all it involves.
Just to change subject before I get angry again,this are some of the best,profound and complicated lyrics I have ever heard,one of my favorites forever.
"Confusion writhes around our hearts impatiently
The poison of doubt enslaves our minds and we bleed
We abandon the trust that kept us blind and disappear
Under the crimson wings of hate where the lost are safe
Until they love again.
We pray to the serpent of delight desperately,
The questions are answered and we try not to weep
Until we are sure we're suffering for love.
In the dungeon of our dreams we're so weak
The promise made to be broken still haunts our sleep
We won't open our eyes afraid we would die for love again.
The heart of darkness is hope of finding you there
And that hope will be our love's requiem."