I just finished "Memnoch,the devil".It disturbed me mentally,it terified,ravished me.The fact is that I could have read this long ago,but I read it now.It seems like it was meant to read it now,and this precise book.It started attracting like all other Rice's books,it continued with a disturbing SF part that I didn't seem to get it,I didn't find,at first,it's place there.Now I understand Rice's point of view.After the world's evolution description I began reading it eagerly,but I stopped very often.I couldn't bare it.I could have lost my sanity for much less than what Lestat is described to have seen.How did Anne had the strenght to see or to write it this full of painful emotion?I think it's the turning point when Anne decides to plead for redemption,or at least to her attempt of persuading herself that she believes.Lestat believed in nothing,and now he's unsure of everything.The seed of incertitude and insecurity was now planted within me and there is no turning back.I can not go back to where it began.It doesn't make sense anymore.Anne drove Lestat, meaning herself,to a path that I think she doesn't believe but forcing herself into believing,into forgiveness,after all.It hurt me with every sentence and word I read.I don't understand why she plead for that path.I have to understand,I have to go on.Lestat wouldn't have done that.He would have lost his mind first.He nearly lost it.
I don't see how this was a coincidence.Why now?It struck me in one of my weak moments of trust...and to have this kind of effect...I don't think someone would understand...not like this...it's fiction,but I don't want to understand.No,no,no this is overwhelming.It took my sleep for a few days.I keep seeing this,the images,my imagination gone wild;I need "him" now.I need to go on...I need "him"...what is the end of all this,or what should it be like for me to understand her vision?... Please, understand...I need someone to understand like I do,or at least to discuss this,what does it mean...this is too overwhelming to even start thinking about it...I need "him" now.